Prayer is a constant theme this morning, through my devotionals, facebook posts. Along with these themes of prayer is letting go and having faith.

I visited two colleges so far. The first one was about two or three weeks ago, probably three weeks ago. Then the second was yesterday. A couple of surprises ran through my mind since yesterday. One issue is that since I waited so long, I feel the need to continue my general ed. That may sound like a bad thing but I mean it in the most optimistic way possible.By that time I will, Lord willing, know what to do. Hopefully. The thing is, it’s all in God’s hands, and that’s what I’m hanging on to right now.

At first I felt bad because some friends have said, “Ugh! It’s taking me three years to finish!” But, I know that I have some friends who have the same problem I have and can’t figure out classes to align just in time with everyone else’s. These things take time. I’m learning patience, definitely.

The third surprise is that many people told me that they believe I would like one college over the other. Probably because of the layout, being brick buildings and less sports. Although I do love brick buildings and am not too fond of sports, I preferred the other one. At first, the outside looked kind of like a hospital, not so much a school. But, once I went inside (it has an east and a west campus), there was a modern structure that was rustic and old fashioned at the same time. Not only this, but the library was just… I don’t have words.

So, while I was judging based on the outside of the buildings, the inside was elaborate and well done.

One thing that differed between the two colleges was that since the first was more close- knit, I felt the counselor was able to speak to me more about things, cover more ground, which was nice. However, the second college, although not as small oriented, the counselors and the tour guide were not being fake (I’m not saying the first one was though either), they weren’t selling anything. It was more like, rather than talking about how great their college was, they showed it through what they talked about (their words) and their actions, more showing than telling I guess is the best way to describe it.

Another, small but still important to me, thing was that there was a rose garden. There were many beautiful places on campus, but this one gave me solace, I don’t know why but it did.

So, in the end, although the campus was opposite of what many thought I would like, I have a slight bias to the second college. If I am to live on campus, I need to roam a little, get lost but still be able to find where I’m going again. Although things seemed to be a little busier, people were just as friendly taking the time to say hello.

Now, I have no clue if I will even ever go to one of these colleges, but that’s why prayer and faith are important. For all I know I could be going to a state college and still getting my library science degree. It’s all up to God, and there is no need to worry, to just be honest.

The second thing on my plate being that I wish I didn’t want a relationship. I know that sounds funny, but I’m being honest. What’s the difference between going to college and getting married in retrospect, in essence when it comes to the future is what I mean. I know that one is academia and the other is a relationship, but why do I want this if it’s not meant to be? Why do I torture myself with feelings, and not just let it go?

I recently learned that you can still be attracted to someone even if you only have a few things in common, it’s more to do with your reactions, your passions, your personality that sets things off. Two people I saw at face value in their interests both didn’t attract me at all, but when I found out how one is more aggressive, opinionated, and judgmental the more I just wanted to be friends. The other was similar, not entirely but definitely not me either, in interests but they were more kind, gentle, still strong in their essence but not aggressive. The other thing though is that the first is saved, the other is not. So, it’s like, neither of you are meant to be, at all. But, I suppose the lesson learned was you may have a few things in common, but a lot may be different from one another and that’s okay. What matters is that you both can make each other happy and not put the other person on edge.

 

Aside from the school and ‘relationships’ is that I keep on wanting to write. Only, this time it’s different from the past. Or at least that is what I tell myself. I want it to mean something this time, and not just be another ‘novelette’ to talk about a recent crush in disguise. These people are their own person, and so I have the freedom to make them be as vulnerable as I want with out any prejudgments.

So, that part is great.